Friday, February 26, 2010

Learn Something...Talk Less

As I talked about here, I have been working on paying attention to the lessons in every day.  The problem is, as I learn things about myself and become more self aware, I often like myself less instead of accepting myself more.  However, the first step is becoming aware, right?  Then I can work on improving things that need work, I suppose.  

The first thing I've learned in this little experiment is that I talk too much.  I've always been guilty of it.  I used to get report cards home from school that showed how well I was doing academically but always said I talked too much in class.  Apparently that hasn't changed as I've gotten older.  I get it from my father.  He's a talker.  Considering my social anxieties it's surprising, actually, that I am, too.  I guess it's my way of (over?) compensating for my fears.  Maybe it's because I'm desperate for people's acceptance.  So, what better way to get it than to scare them away by babbling too much.  I know, makes perfect sense, right?

As I realize this flaw of being a "gasbag" (and have had it reinforced by everyone I know), I vow to talk less and listen more.  Talking too much annoys people and I don't want to annoy anyone.  People don't care about my stuff anyway.  I'll "talk" here on my blog instead!  

(Aren't you guys lucky?!?)  :)

That way if you don't want to "listen" you can just stop reading - deal?


Matt said...

That's interesting-I never would have pegged you as someone who talks too much. The few times we have hung out you're almost as quiet as I am! I have a little (ha) social anxiety myself, and I find in some ways I am "too good" of a listener-it's my defense mechanism for not letting anyone in to my realm/mind. The consequence of this is that people come to you to talk. And talk. And talk some more. Being in the opposite situation as you, I may have a different perspective on this. The people you interact with WANT to hear what you say. They accept the 'talkative' part of you as just that, a part of Shana Smith. I can tell you that while I really am more of a listener, I am very happy with who I am listening to. I think it is great that you are exploring who you are and becoming aware of it-just don't be too quick to attach judgment to what your characteristics are.

Tifkota said...

First off, who is this "everyone" you write of? I for one, DO NOT think that you talk too much. I agree with Matt that it is good to explore who you are, but don't go changing yourself to please anybody. Those of us who love you and want to spend time with you, WANT you to talk. I want to hear your thoughts, your stories, your theories, etc. It helps me grow closer to you, and understand you. I've known you for years, but after we talk I always pick up something new about you. If you don't talk, how will I get that?
Out of nerves, I sometimes find myself chatting too much in awkward situations. It is usually when I am around people I just met, or am socializing with for the first time. I feel like I need to make them laugh and hope they like me. I get that. I try to remind myself beforehand to share less stories of myself and ask them more questions. Most people like to talk about themselves, and I am getting better about exercising that. I am definitely a work in progress though.
I say it is okay to talk less when meeting someone new, or chatting with people you might not see again. But those of us who treasure your friendship do not want you stifle something like conversations. It is how we roll! We're growing old together- keep those gums flapping! <3

Heidi said...

Tifkota I am right there with you on the talk to much in awkward situations! It is one thing that is always in the back of my mind when I am around people that don't know me very well, which in turn makes me seem uncomfortable. Always a work in progress!
Shana, as to you talking too much....NEVER! I enjoy hearing your stories and in turn your point of view on my stories. I agree with Tifkota, don't change who you are to suit those that don't love you the way you are!