You can call me Mommy...

I am a wife.

A co-worker.

Daughter.

Sister.

Friend.



I am an Aunt.

A niece.

Cousin.

Employee.

Confidant.



I am a tax-payer.

A Republican.

Voter.

Consumer.

Philanthropist.



I am a Step-Mom

A Daughter-in-Law

Sister-in-law

Ex-wife.

Former classmate.


But the one title I love the most is Mom.

Granted I don't always feel like I'm doing a great job in that title, but man does it have its benefits.  Far beyond a 401(k) and health insurance, motherhood has given me unconditional love, immeasurable joy, laughter, free entertainment, fun, wonderment, endless hugs and kisses, and a lifetime supply of ego boosts and mind stimulating challenges.

The two little boys who call me Mom are the most precious gifts in the world to me.  They are my life and I love every moment spent with them.  Even the most challenging times have a flip side - an "I sowee, Mommy" or a silly expression just to crack a smile.  So, today, amidst breakfast made for me by 4 little hands (and two big hands), homemade gifts, cards, and plants, coffee in the sun on the porch, and a shower of hugs and kisses, I am extra specially grateful for those precious boys who call me Mommy.  For without them I wouldn't be able to have this job that requires SO MUCH work and has SO MANY rich rewards for the time and energy spent.  Thank you, Nate & Alex for letting me learn, grow, (sometimes) experiment, laugh, and love with you.

More Lessons to Learn...

A visit to the Homestead is always a learning lesson for the boys.  I love visiting my parents because there is so much rich tradition to soak in.  I hadn't planned to stop over to visit today but my sister and niece were visiting so I dropped in and inadvertently interfered in wood cutting day.  I wasn't prepared to help much much I kept the kids out of the way and out of the creek while managing to get some cute photos of them playing in the woods.  

The entire walk back to the creek was one giant learning lesson with Grandma as our tour guide.

First, she stopped to show the boys where a raccoon was perched high in a tree, sleeping its "night" away.  

As we walked through the park and down the path, she made sure to point out every deer track and even found the tunnel made by a mole in the dirt.  She doesn't just make sure the boys see them, she tells stories, uses details to teach them about the animal that made the track or why they travel/eat/hunt/sleep the way they do.  It's a learning lesson for ME and love watching my boys soak it all up!

 When we got to the creek, we learned about water currents, tadpoles, water spiders, gravity, and more.  It's remarkable what there is to learn simply by being outside.

We found some "eatin' grass" (chives) the boys got to sample.

 And then stopped again to inspect the tunnel made by the mole.  Fascinating stuff!

At work I write grants for the youth in our service and have recently learned of a very real phenomenon called Nature Deficit Disorder.  Richard Louv wrote a book entitled Last Child in the Woods about this problem and spotlights a "trend that children are spending less time outdoors, resulting in a wide range of behavioral problems." (Wikipedia) There are real world lessons to be learned by getting outside and taking in what nature has to offer.  Everything from Math to Science can be learned simply by getting out and surrounding yourself with the sights, sounds, smells, and happenings in nature.  It amazes me the differences in children who have experiences like my children are afforded and urban kids who don't get outside to learn such lessons. It makes me even more grateful for my upbringing, my amazing family, and the legacy that I get the share with my children. 

Momma-palooza

With Mother's Day upon us, I thought I would write briefly about Moms. Of course, I want to talk specifically about MY mom (who is the most fabulous Mother there is, of course) but I am also eternally grateful for the many amazing women I am blessed to have in my life who are traveling this road of Motherhood with me.  Together we are learning and growing.  These fantastic women are showing me how to be the best Mom I can be and supporting me on my journey towards that goal.  Thank you all!

My mother is probably the strongest person I know. She is my strength, my inspiration, my teacher, my mentor, and my friend. She is a woman who can nurse a wound with a sweet song, a gentle kiss, and the most tender touch and then in the next breath turn around and chop firewood and re roof the house right alongside my father. There isn't anything she can't do and has proven that time and time again with grace and spirit. She taught me how to dream big, care for others, and "accomplish" the things I set my mind to!

When I was little I suffered from severe eczema that left me unable to wear shoes or walk for days at a time. I would go to bed at night with an ice pack on my feet to quell the burn and itch just long enough to fall asleep. I was miserable and my mother knew that. One night she came home from work and told me the story of a little girl who was very ill. She was in the hospital and wasn't doing well. At night my mother would give me updates on how this little girl was doing and we'd pray for her. Suddenly, I didn't worry about my problems, whine about my issues, or feel bad about the difficulties I faced. This little girl had it worse than I did and she needed prayers and love and support. I sent her pictures I drew, wrote little letters, anything to show I was thinking of her. Through this little girl, my Mom taught me a lesson about perspective, empathy, and love that I will never forget.

Many years later as I was about to embark on a new chapter of life (college), I went into my parent's bedroom very late one night and told my mother I couldn't sleep. I had been up worrying about this new path, scared of leaving home to be on my own, terrified that I couldn't do it. My Mom let me crawl into bed with her (at 18!) and as I cried she held me and told me her job had been to give me wings and now it was time for me to fly. I looked at her through tears and said "but what if I can't fly?". Sadly I don't remember what her response was but I know she set my mind at ease. I moved out and while I haven't "looked back", per se...my mother has been there to support me and encourage me every one of those last 15+years...

Mom, you are a true inspiration and I want to thank you for showing me how to be the best I can be!  

Your determination, kindness, and giving spirit 

are just a sample of the MANY things I respect and adore about you!  

I love you, Mom!  

Thank you for giving me my wings AND teaching me how to fly!

A Walk In the Woods...

Yesterday Nathaniel was lucky enough to go on a walk in the woods with Geema on Easter Sunday.  So Alex and I tagged along...

My Mom is an incredibly smart lady and knows a lot of stuff about a LOT of stuff.  I love every second my boys are able to spend with my parents because I know they are learning rich tradition and some very important knowledge.  I am very grateful to have my parents to pass these things on to my family and keep these lessons and values alive!
 

Yesterday's nature walk consisted of a lesson in tracking deer.  Grandma taught Nate what to look for and where to look to find deer tracks.  She taught him how to tell what direction the deer is traveling in and how there are big deer and little deer (this time of the year).

Here Grandma is pointing out a deer crossing where the deer travel across the creek.  She showed Nathaniel some raccoon prints on the bank and even showed the boys where the worms make tracks in the creek bed.  So cool!

Just when I thought Nathaniel wasn't paying attention, he stopped and said "Here's one Grandma!" and when I asked him what direction he thought that deer was headed he stopped, looked, and pointed in the RIGHT direction!  Yeah, Geema!

Thanks, Mom, for being such a fantastic role model and wealth of information to me and my children!!  You will never understand how much I fully appreciate all that you have taught ME and all that you are sharing with my boys!  We are SO lucky to have you!

Let me know when the tadpoles are ready and we'll be over for a lesson in amphibious creatures!  :)

These are the moments!

Today was the kind of day I absolutely adore as a Mom.  

Last night was a late night getting the boys to bed so I was hoping that might afford me a rare moment to sleep in past 6 AM.  Ha!  I don't know what made me think THAT as I should have known better.  Alex is like a little alarm clock.  I could bake cookies on his predictability.  You can tell when it's been three hours since he ate, you are unable to forget if it's nap time, and when 6 AM rolls around, it doesn't matter if he went to sleep at 5:00, he'll be up and hungry at 6 o'clock sharp.  Nathaniel on the other hand, will sleep until he's gotten his 10 or so hours of sleep.  Again, predictable, but in a different way.  

So today Alex woke up ready to eat promptly at 6:00.  The perk today, though, was that it was just the two of us for almost 3 hours before he went down for his nap and his brother got up.  We got to play peek-a-boo, crawl around on the floor, sing songs, dance to CMT (country music videos), and snuggle with no interruptions or shared attentions.  With two kids in the house, that's a rare treat.  It's special for me, and necessary, I think, for them.

Since Alex had gotten up so early after going to bed so late, he was ready for his nap a little earlier than usual and so he was down for the count before Nathaniel got up at 9 AM.  Another rare opportunity to give Nate my full attention.  We ate breakfast at his little table together, each with our cereal and "coffee" (mine is actual coffee, of course, but Nate's special blend "coffee" consists of milk in a coffee mug).  We set up a highway to drive his cars on, shared a riveting story of One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish, chased ghosts, and ran from monsters.  And we snuggled while Nate played his new favorite game of "baby".  Which, if you know Bug well, you know snuggle time is a special treat in and of itself!  We even got to do our own little dance to CMT and when I tried to sing to my favorite CMT videos, Nate sweetly told me "No, you can't sing songs!  That's enough!".  It was pure bliss.  Really!  

It's days like these that feed my soul.  A sprinkle of little moments like these betwixt the chaos, the routine, and the everyday rigamaroar.  It's just enough to breathe wind into my sails and keep me going when the going gets tough. 

Now both my boys are up and rip roaring ready to go so I must go back to the balancing, splitting my time, and sharing my attentions in this tug of war to love my boys equally! 

Oh yeah...Me!

I realized shortly after "publishing" my last post that the idea behind "Hi, My Name Is..." was to introduce myself and it turns out, instead, that I rambled on and on about my boys - which is never a bad thing (to me!). What I think that really means is that I am defined by those that I love the most...my boys.

With that said, however, I realize that I am a person outside of them, as well. And that person is who I shall try to talk briefly about in this post.

Who is Shana? That's a good question, really. One that I've been trying to figure out for 32 years. (And one that could get entirely too complicated if I allowed it to, so I'll (try to) keep it simple.)

Obviously first and foremost I am a MOTHER. Above and beyond all the other roles I "play" in life and the titles I have been given, "Mother/Momma/Mommy/Mom" is my favorite. It is also, by far, the most difficult role I have to fill.

Being a Mom is my number one passion. I have dreamt about being a mother my whole life, hoped and longed for it, and take massive pride in the blessings I've been given and the "job" that's been entrusted to me. Being a Mom is definitely a roller coaster ride. With high, steep inclines, unexpected sharp drops and a loop-t-loop thrown in from time to time to keep things interesting. However, being a Mom has proven to be an internal energy source for me. Just when I don't think I can go on, one of my children smiles at me or asks, "Where'd the monster go?", and a second wind comes puffing by. For someone who has struggled with self esteem and inadequacy issues for as long as I can remember, there is a lot of pride and self-worth that comes with raising well behaved, polite, empathic children. (That's my goal, anyway - it's a little early to make the call on most of those!) Being a Mom is also the biggest challenge I've ever been charged with. To be honest, I'm not always sure I'm any good at it - who is sure of that, really? But I'm doing the best I can with the skills the good Lord gave me and for those other areas where I'm lacking, I hope against hope that it either doesn't matter in the bigger picture, or at the very least that my shortcomings don't hurt my boys too much in the long run.

Outside of my role as a Mom of two, I am a SISTER and a DAUGHTER. I have an amazing family with two loving parents who are as much a testament to true love, dedication, compromise, and commitment as any two people can be. I have a "little" big brother (he's bigger than me, but just "little" compared to most guys) and a "big" little sister (she's taller than me but younger) who are two of my best friends. When it comes to them, I waffle between laughing, scheming, venting, and thoroughly enjoying the friendship and history we share....and wanting to strangle them or smack them for being frustrating, or dense, or just plain aggravating. I wouldn't trade them for the world though. We've been partners in crime, best friends, and worst enemies (sometimes all in the span of 24 hours) but at the end of the day, they're family and they're are always there, unconditionally.

I am a WIFE and while I know that sometimes takes an unfortunate back seat to being a Mom, I try to remember the importance of focusing on that role as often as possible. Keeping the foundation of my family strong is very important to me. Without that foundation, everything would crumble. I try to remember to show my gratitude, appreciation, compassion, understanding, patience, compromise, sacrifice, and most of all love. And I hope never to take my husband for granted.

For 35 hours a week I play EMPLOYEE and while it's admittedly not my favorite place to be, it's undeniably important to my checkbook, my lifestyle, and my sanity. I enjoy the majority of what I do and realize that the rest comes with the territory of inevitable personality differences, administrative nuances, and plan old personal inadequacies. Obviously I don't like the parts of my job I either don't know very well or feel I'm not very good at. I'd be lying if I said it was 100% fabulous! At least it's a job I can feel good at contributing to. My work helps people somewhere, somehow.

And of course, I am a FRIEND. I have many friends. I've been very blessed in the friend arena. My friends are from all over, varied in background and interests, gathered and tendered from various schools, jobs, and places along the way. Some of them I've known forever. Some I've met only recently. Some I see rarely and others I am lucky enough to be able to see more often. I have friends I can shop with, friends I can laugh with, friends I can be silly with, friends I cry with, friends I openly complain to without judgement and friends who remind me to tweak my perspective or adjust my attitude when it's needed. All of them are absolutely wonderful and each one has a unique role in my life and a special place in my heart.

As you can see, my life is whole. I have been lucky enough to travel through life with magnificent company. I am never alone, nor am I ever lonely. I am truly blessed with a myriad of wonderful people surrounding me and supporting me. Each person brings something a little different to the table. I guess you could say my life is like a pot luck dinner. Everyone is invited and each person has their personal specialty to offer. So bring a dish to pass and prepare to pull up a chair!