Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Getting Old

Last week I went to see Spring Awakening at the RBTL.  I have season passes and this was one of the shows in the line-up.  Let me start by saying that the music was fantastic...but I didn't quite get the story.  I mean, I tend to think I'm pretty intelligent, but there were times I was a little lost.  Of course, I understand it was about heavy stuff.  Set in Germany in 1891, the teenagers in the play were struggling with their sexuality, trying to balance their desires with what was being taught to them by an overly oppressive society.  There are issues of violence, suicide, even abortion.  It's pretty deep.  The problem I had was that it was a little too much - too heavy, too racy.  Even for me.

That's where I start to feel old.  Seriously, I used to be hip, cool, even adventurous.  Now, though...I don't know.  It's like I've lost my edge.  I was physically uncomfortable watching this show at times -what with the show's language (*gasp*) and NUDITY (*GASP*) and all.  

I hate to say it but it seems since I've become a mother, I've turned into a PRUDE!  

I can't help it though.  Everywhere I go, everything I see, everything I do, I'm looking through this new Mom lens.  I see things differently.  It's as if since having my children, I have a higher standard to achieve simply because I'm a mother now.  I have to be a good role model and set a good example - and that colors, influences, even taints everything else.  And there's no "off duty".  This Mom lens, it's always on.    

Obviously my kids weren't at that show.  Yet, as a Mom, I could see all the ways in which it was inappropriate for them.  It's an odd thing, really.  This new hat I wear that has taken over who I used to be.

In many ways I think it's better - that being a Mom has made me a better person.  Or at least, a more conscientious person.   At times, though, I don't even recognize the person I've become.  I seem so un-fun and stick-in-the-mud-ish.  (both real words, I assure you!)  I'm a big fat party pooper who has lost my accepting open-mindedness and my piggish sense of humor and replaced it with serious, grown-up responsibility and duty to my children.   

And they deserve that.  

I just wish I could lighten up a little.  

For them.  

Because they deserve that, too.


Shana said...

Great post. I have the same issues but am really glad about it. I shouldn't be watching things that I wouldn't want a kid to see. to a point of course. I just think there is "too much" everywhere these days.

Tifkota said...

You are too cute. It is not about "lightening-up". You certainly DO have an open mind. I am witness to it. There are so many things that have just become more and more sensational and extreme, even since we were kids. Everybody wants to push the button artistically, politically, athletically. Everyone wants to outdo their predecessors. When it comes to entertainment, movies and plays are no longer leaving things up to our imagination. Now they don't imply that a person was brutalized, we get to see it in graphic detail- yay. They don't imply that a couple made love, we get to see it in all it's glory- even though we know what it looks like to do that. We can watch porn if we need pointers, thank you very much. Take it from an old "prude" myself. I love that such things make you squirm now. It means you are in a higher place, and a better mama for it. xoxo

Matt said...

I agree with Tiffany's points above. One odd thing is that while I don't care for violence in my entertainment as much as I used to, I still listen to very extreme music (and radio for that matter). I kind of chuckle to myself when I think that I listen to music which in some ways would be too intense for a lot of so called rebellious teenagers to listen to. Our generation was in some respects the last to enjoy a really aggressive frontier in music (thinking here of grindcore and death metal). There simply seems no where else to go extreme-wise. Hopefully you can make it over on the 6th (I'll send another email about it this week) and you can indulge the more unfiltered side of you :)