Give me a 'C'!

Ok, it's time to get back on the horse, as they say.  Vacation is over and I have a schedule to keep and a fan base to remain loyal to (HA!)  :)  Seriously, though...this Thinkbox Thursday question has been sitting in draft form for weeks now as I had intended to post it while I was on vacation.  However, with no internet service in the 1000 Islands to assist me with that, it sat unfinished until tonight.  So, without further ado.  (Whatever that means...)

Were you ever in a drama or speech class, on a sports team, or in a club?

I tried the drama thing and failed miserably.  I was never cut out for a speech class of any sort.  The very thought of all those EYES gazing upon me while I delivered a lecture of any length makes my skin crawl even now.  I was part of a few clubs, S.A.D.D. and I'm sure others that have slipped my mind.  But sports.  Now there's an activity I really sank my teeth into in high school.  No, I wasn't a softball player.  I never had a penchant for volleyball or tennis.  I'm simply not built for basketball.  Nope, I threw myself into a sport of another sort.  

I realize this is a highly debated topic but I was, in fact, on a sports team.  I, not surprisingly to most (and already known to the majority of you reading this anyway) was a CHEERLEADER.  Now I now some may scoff at the use of the words CHEERLEADING and SPORT in the same sentence but I am not backing down on this one.  Obviously this must be less of an issue today than it was back in MY day.  Afterall, have you SEEN cheerleaders today?!?  With the level of athleticism they exhibit and the degree of difficulty involved in the stunts and routines they perform, it's obvious to me they're working their butts off!!  

But yes, back in the day, I was a Football, Basketball, and Soccer (yes, SOCCER) cheerleader.  Different seasons, of course, but from Freshman year through my Senior year in high school I cheered for all seasons and enjoyed every single minute of it.  I don't care what people say, really.  Even when I was a cheerleader (before the massive expectations, dangerous three-story-high flying and flipping in the air, and triple-back-flip-head-spinning hand springs), we worked hard.  We had to be in shape, we exercised, and practiced, and perfected our "game" (also known as skills, cheers, jumps, timing, acrobatics, stunts, etc.).  We were out there in the wind, rain, snow, and bitter temperatures cheering on our players, entertaining the spectators, and freezing our little behinds off in those little skirts and tops!  That alone deserves respect, recognition, and credit!  I really think cheering helped me grow in confidence and helped to prove (at least to ME) that I was good at something.  I mean I wasn't the best, I was a mediocre cheerleader at best (as I am with most everything) but I'm ok with that.  I never really strove to be the best.  That was too much spotlight for me.  I honestly didn't mind blending in.  I just liked having the camaraderie.  I liked the feeling of being a part of a community, and hey, the title was cool, too.  Plus, it was a lot of fun!  I made some fantastic friends and a whole heck of a lot of memories along the way.   It taught me responsibility and hard work and dedication.  I was accountable to a TEAM and it certainly kept me busy (Read: out of trouble!)!  I am proud of my days as a cheerleader.

Here's some tangible proof of my BHS pride:  

Lucky (?) for you guys I haven't gotten my scanner up and running or you'd have an eyeful of flashback cheering photos to pile through!  Count your blessings!  He, he!

Oh yeah...Me!

I realized shortly after "publishing" my last post that the idea behind "Hi, My Name Is..." was to introduce myself and it turns out, instead, that I rambled on and on about my boys - which is never a bad thing (to me!). What I think that really means is that I am defined by those that I love the most...my boys.

With that said, however, I realize that I am a person outside of them, as well. And that person is who I shall try to talk briefly about in this post.

Who is Shana? That's a good question, really. One that I've been trying to figure out for 32 years. (And one that could get entirely too complicated if I allowed it to, so I'll (try to) keep it simple.)

Obviously first and foremost I am a MOTHER. Above and beyond all the other roles I "play" in life and the titles I have been given, "Mother/Momma/Mommy/Mom" is my favorite. It is also, by far, the most difficult role I have to fill.

Being a Mom is my number one passion. I have dreamt about being a mother my whole life, hoped and longed for it, and take massive pride in the blessings I've been given and the "job" that's been entrusted to me. Being a Mom is definitely a roller coaster ride. With high, steep inclines, unexpected sharp drops and a loop-t-loop thrown in from time to time to keep things interesting. However, being a Mom has proven to be an internal energy source for me. Just when I don't think I can go on, one of my children smiles at me or asks, "Where'd the monster go?", and a second wind comes puffing by. For someone who has struggled with self esteem and inadequacy issues for as long as I can remember, there is a lot of pride and self-worth that comes with raising well behaved, polite, empathic children. (That's my goal, anyway - it's a little early to make the call on most of those!) Being a Mom is also the biggest challenge I've ever been charged with. To be honest, I'm not always sure I'm any good at it - who is sure of that, really? But I'm doing the best I can with the skills the good Lord gave me and for those other areas where I'm lacking, I hope against hope that it either doesn't matter in the bigger picture, or at the very least that my shortcomings don't hurt my boys too much in the long run.

Outside of my role as a Mom of two, I am a SISTER and a DAUGHTER. I have an amazing family with two loving parents who are as much a testament to true love, dedication, compromise, and commitment as any two people can be. I have a "little" big brother (he's bigger than me, but just "little" compared to most guys) and a "big" little sister (she's taller than me but younger) who are two of my best friends. When it comes to them, I waffle between laughing, scheming, venting, and thoroughly enjoying the friendship and history we share....and wanting to strangle them or smack them for being frustrating, or dense, or just plain aggravating. I wouldn't trade them for the world though. We've been partners in crime, best friends, and worst enemies (sometimes all in the span of 24 hours) but at the end of the day, they're family and they're are always there, unconditionally.

I am a WIFE and while I know that sometimes takes an unfortunate back seat to being a Mom, I try to remember the importance of focusing on that role as often as possible. Keeping the foundation of my family strong is very important to me. Without that foundation, everything would crumble. I try to remember to show my gratitude, appreciation, compassion, understanding, patience, compromise, sacrifice, and most of all love. And I hope never to take my husband for granted.

For 35 hours a week I play EMPLOYEE and while it's admittedly not my favorite place to be, it's undeniably important to my checkbook, my lifestyle, and my sanity. I enjoy the majority of what I do and realize that the rest comes with the territory of inevitable personality differences, administrative nuances, and plan old personal inadequacies. Obviously I don't like the parts of my job I either don't know very well or feel I'm not very good at. I'd be lying if I said it was 100% fabulous! At least it's a job I can feel good at contributing to. My work helps people somewhere, somehow.

And of course, I am a FRIEND. I have many friends. I've been very blessed in the friend arena. My friends are from all over, varied in background and interests, gathered and tendered from various schools, jobs, and places along the way. Some of them I've known forever. Some I've met only recently. Some I see rarely and others I am lucky enough to be able to see more often. I have friends I can shop with, friends I can laugh with, friends I can be silly with, friends I cry with, friends I openly complain to without judgement and friends who remind me to tweak my perspective or adjust my attitude when it's needed. All of them are absolutely wonderful and each one has a unique role in my life and a special place in my heart.

As you can see, my life is whole. I have been lucky enough to travel through life with magnificent company. I am never alone, nor am I ever lonely. I am truly blessed with a myriad of wonderful people surrounding me and supporting me. Each person brings something a little different to the table. I guess you could say my life is like a pot luck dinner. Everyone is invited and each person has their personal specialty to offer. So bring a dish to pass and prepare to pull up a chair!

Hi, My Name is...

I realize those of you reading this already know who I am, or you wouldn't be "following" me, but I still feel like I should introduce myself for any other unlucky fool who stumbles in to check me out.  

So, please allow me to go on for a minute about that which makes my grey skies blue - My boys.

  

There are many of them.  5 of them, to be exact.  Starting with my husband, Dave.  He is my reason, my level head, my grounding when I'm stuck in dreamland, being unrealistic with my head in the clouds.  He's cranky, cynical, pessimistic, and tough as nails on the outside.  But I see another side of him that the rest of the world isn't allowed to see.  I see the side that turns into a goofball when wrestling with our 3-year-old on the floor.  The side that handles pee and poop and spit-up better than any nanny or grandmother ever could for 8-hours a day (with minor complaints) and then heads off to work another 8 hours dealing with other people's drama and emergencies in a high stress environment...all because "it's what is best for our family".  

Then there is Adam.  My 24-year-old step son.  He's a tough nut to crack but once you get through, he's just like his father.  A tough guy, generally misunderstood, struggling to find his place, but loving and giving.  He's a good kid who has paid his dues and is trying to learn from his mistakes (which is more than you can say for most people!).  

Nick is next in line - my 18-year-old step-son.  Nick is aloof, chatty, funny, and sweet.  He'd do anything for you (or at least tell you he couldn't do it as nicely as possible and then feel really guilty about it!).  I've spent a lot of late nights talking to him about music, girls and typical teenager stuff (which is much different than it was back in my day!).  We've watched trash TV together and made up spoofs about movies we've watched or turned two words into a new word (like Blog Groupie = Blogpie or if someone is happy and silly he'd say they're "Hilly") - it's goofy and juvenile but it makes me laugh.   I worry about Nick as he tries to figure out his path in life, but I know with time and some motivation, he'll do just fine.  He and his brother have just gone through firefighter academy and are full fledged members of the fire department.  It gives them both a healthy outlet and a real sense of belonging.  They have really flourished!  

On to my other two boys:  Nathaniel (Nate) and Alexander (Alex).  My heart and soul.  You'll hear a lot about them, I assure you! 

Nathaniel (a.k.a. Bug) is 3 (going on 20) and is the funniest, most energetic, and independent child you'll ever meet.  He has an imagination that can't be harnessed, an activity level that is hard to keep up with, and he is completely fearless.  There isn't anything he can't do, won't figure out with time, or hasn't at least tried (except vegetables, maybe!)!  He feels comfortable in a room full of strangers, has no shame about parading around in public wearing a cowboy outfit, a pirate hat, sunglasses, mardi gras beads, and carrying a fishing pole or purse (much to Dave's horror!), and he makes me laugh at least a hundred times a day.  I spend a good portion of every day looking for ghosts, hiding from monsters, or riding runaway horses in pursuit of the "mailmen" (or bad guys, as the rest of us call them!)  I consider myself very blessed.  Of course, with his energy and independence comes an inevitable stubborn side that leads to plenty of head butting but he helps to keep me honest, open minded, flexible, and patient!  

Alexander (a.k.a. Digger/Fuzz Bucket) is currently 6.5 months old.  He is my sunshine - happy no matter what.  He's an observant wall flower, happy to just sit back and quietly watch the world and then as soon as he catches someone's attention he lights up and starts flailing about in glee as if to say "They  noticed me!  Yeah!"  :)  He is already on the move and refuses to sit still for long.  Afterall, he can't observe the world very thoroughly while staying in one place!  He is desperately trying to keep up with his big brother and so far he's doing a great job!  My favorite part of Alex is by far his smile.  It lights up his whole face and makes me happy no matter what!  He thinks his brother is hilarious and his laugh is truly infectious.  I love to scoop him up and chase Nathaniel while we play "baby brother monster" - Nate runs to hide and Alex laughs uncontrollably.  It's great - I could watch him all day long and be happy. 

Anyway, I could go on and on about my boys.  As you can tell, they are my world.  I love them SO much!  Of course, I'm a bit outnumbered, but I wouldn't change a thing.  There's something to be said for being the lone girl - a queen among kings.  No on will ever steal my clothes, lose my jewelry, or fight for my shoes.  OK, so Nathaniel likes to wear my shoes, the boys will probably lose my jewelry someday, and they have both stained a shirt or two, but not in the same degree as if I had girls.  I'll take my boys any day.  

Welcome to my world.  I hope you have a strong stomach as we journey together for our world is a messy, dirty, gross, disgusting one (think bugs, worms, dirt, scraped knees, nose picking...all things BOY)!