Giant Baby Steps

A couple months ago, I bit the bullet and decided to take some ACTION in achieving my dreams.  Sitting back on my laurels and hoping for something to happen wasn't getting me anywhere.  So, I established Dream Big Day (Monday) to give me some concrete time set aside specifically to chisel away at my to do list.  That very first DMD back in August, I decided to start small and upload a photo I had recieved much positive Facebook feedback on to Kodak's Picture of the Day website.

Well it paid off!!  On October 14th, Kodak picked MY picture for their POTD!  I stumbled upon it a couple weeks later and was SO excited to see MY picture staring back at me from their website!

As silly as it sounds, I felt RECOGNIZED for my photography!  It was one of those things on my "bucket list" that I could officially check off.  One (giant!) baby step made...now I can move on to my next "big" thing.  (Whatever that is!)

Since then I've received requests to purchase copies of the print and it spurred enough confidence for me to set up my first THREE photo shoots for families other than MINE!  It's definitely a start!  I have so much to learn, but I have the best support system in the universe so hopefully 2012 will be a BIG year for me and for Queen Among Kings Photography!

Dream Big Day

OK, so I've decided, through much banter, conversation and dialogue with friends and family that if I am ever going to make my dreams come true, I need to take some serious ACTION.

I know, sheer brilliance, right?

However, knowing my penchant for procrastination, my remarkable ability for over-scheduling myself, and my less than stellar self motivation skills, it has become painfully obvious that if I want to find the time to make this happen, I need to MAKE TIME.  I actually have to carve out a piece of my week (every week!) to focus purely on taking baby steps to get my goals off the ground.  Granted I have many goals (freelance writing, photography, Etsy) but I have to start somewhere!  So, I am marking off Mondays in my calender to avoid overbooking (which I'm notorious for) and will use this time, or Dream Big Day (DBD) as I shall call it, to actually focus (after work, of course and depending on what the boys' cooperation will allow, that is) on getting my photos published, my writing noticed, my Etsy store stocked, etc.  I have a general plan for steps I want to take, but some research will be required.  I will now have DBD set aside to accomplish that, too :)

Wish me luck!  Maybe you'll see my name in print or a photo I took hanging on your wall someday!! 

Dream Come True...

Growing up I had the annual opportunity of trekking out into the back 58 (acres) of my parents' homestead and picking buckets full of fresh, delicious, blackberries and black raspberries throughout the Summer.

I loved dressing up in long sleeves and jeans in 80 degree weather, strapping a belt on my waist to string an old ice cream bucket to and coming out of the woods covered in scratches, with purple fingers, and smacking my lips from all the berries that "accidently fell in my mouth" while I was picking.

It was always my hope to have my very own picking patch someday.  At our last house in the City, I talked about planting some raspberry bushes along our back fence.  However, in nearly 6 years I simply never got around to it.  

Now that I've lived in our new house (which sits on 5 acres) for a whole year now, I'm learning some of the perks of having land out in the middle of farm country.  For the first time I have my very own berry patch in my back yard.  

I was so excited to be able to go out back tonight (with my little helper) to pick blackberries.  Many of them were dried up and/or too small so I took a lesson from my Mom and picked and scattered them to increase our crop in the years to come.  

 Of course between the "helpful" eating and the "oops!" spills from a clumsy 2-year-old, we had less than a dozen berries left by the time we made it back into the house, but it was so worth it.  Next year we'll have an even larger crop and I'll continue to grow it until I, too, have a bumper crop and can pick buckets full just like the good old days on the Homestead.  

What I Want to Be...

I'm having one of those crossroads in life where I'm thinking long and hard about what I want to be "when I grow up".  I can answer more easily the question, "what do I NOT want to be" but that doesn't help me much.

So I started drafting an ideal dream in my head of what would make me happy.

First, it would be having my own schedule.  I work very funny sometimes.  My brain, my creativity and therefore, my productivity ebbs and flows.  It also flickers on and off like a light switch or a channel changer.  My head bounces from one area of focus to the next like a ping pong ball.  If you've ever had a conversation with me, you know this.  So to fit my most productive brain power into a set work day (from 8-3, for example) is nearly impossible.  Take for example last week - I took 3 days off last week, worked one day (at work) and one day from home and managed to accomplish just as much, if not more, than I do sitting in my cubicle at work for 35 hours a week.  Not to mention, my house was more orderly, the dishes were done after every meal, the laundry was caught up, projects were completed and I generally felt like I knew what was going on with my family.

I'm not sure if that means I think better when I'm at home, I'm too distracted when I'm at work, or perhaps I'm just able to bounce in and out of work mode and Mom mode when it fits and still get just as much done as I do when I'm at work just wishing I could be at home being a Mom.

Anyway, ideally, I could wake up (at the crack of dawn, no doubt), do my early morning snuggling/coffee thing with the boys, get Nate off to school, get him/them working on a project of some sort or playing nicely together and sit down to get some work done.  If they need a drink or I have to make lunch, I go "on break" and attend to their needs.   Perhaps I stop in the afternoon to play a game of Hi-Ho-Cherry-O or piece back together a broken Lego fire truck.  I'd still get my snuggle time in the evening and then if need be, do some more work after they're in bed.  There are 16 hours in a day when I am awake, surely I can get a normal day's work in there somewhere by using my idle time more productively.  All while never (rarely) having to leave my house and having the flexibility to be there for my family when they need me.

Now, about this WORK I'd ideally be doing.  Something I enjoy.  Something I'm naturally good at, that comes easily.  Something that feels productive, expresses some of who I am, and allows me to feel good about my contributions.  Naturally, I would like this to be writing.  Articles, blogs, books, grants, I really don't care as much as I'm writing something and helping to support my family by doing it.  That would be awesome.  But I lack two very important skills...know how, and follow through.

I don't know where to start and my current "randomly applying for freelance jobs as they appear" thing isn't working out very quickly.  So, besides winning the lottery or learning that I have a wealthy Great Uncle Hector who passed away and left me his fortune in Confederate money to unload on Ebay, what's a girl to do?

All I know is I have to do something.  I'm a miserable wretch watching my boys' life pass me by while I miss it all.  How does that guy on the Food Network get the job as "Official Ice Cream Taste Tester", anyhow?  Surely my dream job has to be out there somewhere...

Checked Out

In a way I feel as though I have checked out from my job.  I spent weeks going back and forth with the powers-that-be trying to come to a mutually agreeable outcome for my schedule and even though we (finally) came to an agreement that essentially served both our needs, I feel a bit disgruntled about the whole process.  I find myself angry and feeling like I'd rather do anything than work for people whom I feel don’t really value me or my skills.

I’m sure a lot of this has to do with my well-documented inferiority complex and my on-going struggle against this disease I call Cellophane-itis, but nonetheless, it sucks.

So I continue trudging along, doing the best job I know how, following directions, meeting deadlines - all while secretly dreading even getting up in the morning and driving my butt in to work.  Everything there suddenly feels too politic-y and square.  They claim to be family-friendly, but for the first time, I don't really believe that.  Luckily I really like my boss and totally respect him, what he's taught me, and the work he does so I'd never leave him high and dry, but my heart just isn't in it these days.

It doesn't help that I spent three glorious weeks being a (part-time) stay-at-home-mom and saw what the other side of the coin looks like.   So, until some miracle happens I need to rally, put on my game face, dig deep and get the job done.  All while secretly hoping against all hopes that the job I want to be doing the most doesn't pass me by while I'm waiting.  

Make-A-Wish

I am a big fan of the Make-A-Wish Foundation.  I think they do great things for wonderful kids and serve a fantastic purpose!  So, I feel a little guilty using this analogy, but I'm not sure how else to adequately describe it:  Nathaniel got a Make-A-Wish of his own granted this week (minus the usual terminal illness, of course).

As you know, my Bug is a bit of a firebug, if you will.  He lives and breathes all things firefighting.  We live in a "fire house", we have a "fire dog" (known as a lab mix to the rest of the world), we drive a "fire truck", and he introduces himself as an FDNY Firefighter to everyone he meets.

It all started with a letter writing campaign I decided to undertake in an effort to get some local fire department patches to decorate the firefighter bedroom we promised Nate in the new house.  I wrote up a short letter explaining his love of all things firefighting and sent it out to the local fire departments that I had addresses for.  I enclosed a self-addressed, stamped envelope to keep their costs and effort down and figured if I got a few patches out of the deal, it was better than nothing.

The first week or so we got a couple patches sent back.  I was excited to see that it was paying off.  Nathaniel loved getting mail with his name on it, and the discovery of a fire department patch inside was even more thrilling!

Then one day, a gentleman stopped at our house.  He introduced himself as the Lieutenant of the Fancher-Hulberton-Murray Fire Department and held up the letter I had sent saying, "I'm here about this".  My initial reaction was "uh oh"...I immediately started wondering what law I had broken or what etiquette I had failed to follow.  The gentleman went on to say "We won't be sending anything back in response to this."  To which I quickly responded that that wasn't a problem, that I was only asking....when he interrupted and said "We won't be sending anything in the mail...We'll be personally delivering him a patch...in a fire truck...on Tuesday."

My mouth fell open and I was giddy with excitement.

Little did I know that one short week later he and his entire crew would be parked in our driveway with every piece of equipment the fire department owns just to make my little boy's day year lifetime!

To say Nate got the royal treatment is an understatement of great proportions.  Lt. Chilson presented Nathaniel with a slew of goodies including a bunch of department patches, a F-H-M firefighter license plate, coloring book, ruler, pencil, calculator, 9-11 teddy bear, stickers, and his very own, real life fire helmet with shield.

He got a tour of the trucks, they opened them all up and showed him all the equipment, and then, as if that wasn't already a fabulous display, he got a ride around the block in the pumper truck with the lights and sirens a blaring!  It was priceless.  He was over the moon!  And almost a little overwhelmed by the whole experience but as he got more comfortable, he finally started warming up and was "radioing" in to his guys on the crew and singing his firetruck songs.

I can't say enough good things about this fire department and the fabulous people who make up this 100% volunteer organization.  They treated my son, a boy who was a complete stranger to them a week ago, like a rock star.  And solely on the precipices of making a 4-year-old wanna-be firefighter happy.  And that they did!  I don't know how I can ever repay them.  My gratitude and appreciation is inexpressible.

I have a dream...

Like the infamous speech given my Martin Luther King , Jr. in 1963.  I, too, have a dream.

Of course, it's not as profound and life altering as the dream Dr. King had for racial equality and an end to discrimination.  Heck, it's not even inspiring, powerful, motivating, or revolutionary.  But it's a dream, nonetheless.

It, too, is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that my two little children will one day live in a home where they will not have to send their mother off to work every day.  A dream where I can make a living from the comfort of my own home, surrounded by those I love most and doing that which brings me joy.

I have a dream today.
 
And someday I hope to be able to shout, "Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

What do a princess, a ballerina, and Judy Blume have in common?

In 5th grade we used to get very general writing assignments such as "use your powers of persuasion to try to bring someone over to your side of an issue", or "tell us about your best friend", or "where did you go on summer vacation?".  It was always fun to write a short story on a specific topic.  

For today's Flashback Friday I've dug out one of my favorite stories from these assignments. Not because of its literary genius, by any means, but because it shows that I had aspirations of wanting to be a writer early on.  I've always enjoyed writing and its come easily to me but it's great to see that even before I consciously knew it, these skills and this love were being honed, developed, and molded.  It's funny because I wasn't able to actually identify this with any assurance until my early 20s.  Read on and I hope you enjoy at some level.

  

If I had the power to be someone else for a day, I would be Judy Blume.  Here is a story of the day I would have if I were her.

One beautiful Monday morning I woke up early.  The sun was brightly shining.  After I ate my english muffin for breakfast, I went for my daily morning jog.  Jogging helps me get ideas for the stories that I write.  While I was jogging down Main Street, I saw how beautiful it was outside.  The birds were singing, the flowers were blooming, and most of the children were outside playing.  That gave me an idea for the perfect children's story.

I ran home and went straight to my writing desk.  I sat down and began jotting down ideas.  I thought it out first and crossed out the ideas I wasn't going to use.  Then I knew what came next, the part I dreaded most, the rough draft.

I wrote it down, but it seemed like I used a ton of paper.  Paper wads were flooding the floor.  After a long while, that felt like an eternity, I got the rough draft done.  My story was called "Spring".  I ran the story over to my editor's office.  He revised it and we talked over a cup of coffee about the things I had to improve.  I took it home, did what he asked, and I took it back to his office.  He revised it and said it was absolutely magnificent.

{The End}

Riveting, stuff, I know.

I have a few comments to make.  First, let me remind you that I was in 5th grade when I wrote this.  That (I believe) would have made me10 years old, people.  (I'm secretly hoping that helps build some sympathy amongst my readers!).  Secondly, I enjoy how I seemed to have a good grasp for the English language, specifically in the appropriate use of the word "wad".  That's impressive stuff.  Also, the detailed description of the writing process is helpful for those who have never, say, done any writing themselves.  I also like that in the end I was able to compliment myself by how magnificent my story was with only a few small edits.  I must be good!  I am, however, quite disappointed in my non-green-friendly practices in this story (referring again to the wads of paper flooding the floor!).  Either way it's fun to look back on this stuff and see where my pre-teen mind was.

Where to start? Purpose, direction, and dreams...

As is true to my fashion, I've been drafting this next post for days now and have written, re-written, and completely over analyzed what it should say, how it should read, and what overall message I'm trying to send or what direction I'm heading in.  Ultimately, at this late hour, I realize it doesn't really matter.  That, as usual, I've overcomplicated it and in the big picture, no one is noticing and I assure you no one probably even cares.  

So, I shall talk about why I decided to start this blog.  

I've been what I will call a "Blogpie" (Blog Groupie) for some time.  I have a list of various blogs that I frequent daily and am always interested in keeping up with the news, following the updates, and stepping into these other worlds.  I am thrilled and intrigued to stumble upon a new one once in a while and slip mindlessly into someone else's perspective, drama, challenges and day-to-day existence.  It's the peeping Tom in me, I guess.  The same way people like to gawk at accidents, people watch at the Mall, and eavesdrop on strangers in restaurants.  By seeing into the lives of others, I hope to gain insight into how other people live, love, laugh, and yet, still manage to shine through it all.  So, in sharing my own random thoughts, I suppose I am hoping to find some direction, gain some clarity, improve my own perspective, or at the very least open myself up and perhaps as a result, manage to get the ball rolling towards realizing some dreams.  How, might you ask, will a simple little blog accomplish all this?  I have no idea, but anything is possible...right?

I will be honest, many of the blogs I follow are photography blogs, which for the most part leave me feeling part awestruck, and part completely and utterly inadequate.  For this, you see, is my dream.  The aforementioned dream I hope to accomplish someday?   To be a photographer.  A real photographer, not just a (heavily) practicing hobbyist.  And to have a photo blog of my own that people like me would visit, marvel over, and hold in high respect.  Why does this seem so far off?  For starters, I lack the equipment, the knowledge, the training, and most importantly, the confidence.  I do, however, have plenty of passion.  So, as I shape and mold this blog of mine, you will see it grow, I hope, into a forum through which I can share some of my favorite photos and take some leaps and bounds towards achieving this goal.  But mostly, you'll read a lot of my obscure ramblings, hear charming (and most likely redundant) stories of my precious boys, and hopefully gain some insight into who I am, what makes me tick, and where it is I'm headed in this joyride we call life!!  Buckle up and keep your hands inside the cart at all times!  I hope you enjoy the ride!