Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Checked Out

In a way I feel as though I have checked out from my job.  I spent weeks going back and forth with the powers-that-be trying to come to a mutually agreeable outcome for my schedule and even though we (finally) came to an agreement that essentially served both our needs, I feel a bit disgruntled about the whole process.  I find myself angry and feeling like I'd rather do anything than work for people whom I feel don’t really value me or my skills.

I’m sure a lot of this has to do with my well-documented inferiority complex and my on-going struggle against this disease I call Cellophane-itis, but nonetheless, it sucks.

So I continue trudging along, doing the best job I know how, following directions, meeting deadlines - all while secretly dreading even getting up in the morning and driving my butt in to work.  Everything there suddenly feels too politic-y and square.  They claim to be family-friendly, but for the first time, I don't really believe that.  Luckily I really like my boss and totally respect him, what he's taught me, and the work he does so I'd never leave him high and dry, but my heart just isn't in it these days.

It doesn't help that I spent three glorious weeks being a (part-time) stay-at-home-mom and saw what the other side of the coin looks like.   So, until some miracle happens I need to rally, put on my game face, dig deep and get the job done.  All while secretly hoping against all hopes that the job I want to be doing the most doesn't pass me by while I'm waiting.  

3 comments:

Sherry said...

Awww, sorry to hear about this! I know what it's like to wake up dreading going to your job, and that's no way to feel on a consistent basis. Sounds like you have a great relationship with your boss though, any chance you could have a little one-on-one meeting with him to share your thoughts?

Amy said...

Ouch...are you still where you were previously? The place our family has been supporting over the years? Making me wonder...

Matt said...

As someone who does not have a full time gig at the moment, I can understand feeling as though your job can take you nowhere. If you seriously are looking to change careers-you need to start now while you have a job. I am blessed to be in the situation I am in, but I would have been in better shape if I was proactive and looking for other work. Secondly, start to network with people who are doing what you want to do. That is the best way to move into another job that suits your needs or to learn more about a job and whether it suits your needs. When we get together to talk at that "nebulous" time in the future I'll be happy to share tips and materials with you to help if a career change is really what you want.