In a previous version of myself I had high standards for my upkeep. I didn't feel human leaving the house in anything less than the best. I had to put full make-up on, dress in an outfit that didn't make me look frumpy, even wear uncomfortable shoes so long as they looked cute.
Lately, that is so not the case. It's as if my give-a-damn is broken. I could care less. The effort required in simply showering and pulling my hair in a pony tail is enough. I haven't had my hair cut in almost 8 months. I rarely shower on the weekends much less do my hair or make-up unless I have somewhere to go or someone is coming over. I used to agonize over my outfit, trying desperately to cover my bumps and sags and find the most flattering clothes to wear to work. Not anymore. I looked in the mirror this morning, made sure everything was "covered" and "matched" and that I wasn't feeling self conscious in my choice of mindless pants and a sweater and I was good to go.
In one regard it's somewhat freeing to not care. I care too much about what people think most of the time so perhaps this is a refreshing change of pace. However, I want better for my family. I don't want my boys to look back on every single photo of their Mom from when they were kids and gasp in horror. I don't want them to be embarrassed to have their frumpy, uncool Mom picking them up from a friend's house. I want to be that Mom. The cool one. The one everyone talks about. Or at the very least, I'd like to not be the one everyone talks about because I'm a mess.
I don't know how to fix my "give a damn". I don't know how to find the time and energy and motivation to primp, doll up, heck, even put on lipgloss once in a while. I don't want to be this tired, haggard, version of myself. I want to be stylin', and qualify as "hot mama"...I just don't know how.