Monday, August 30, 2010

When I grow up...

I've been thinking long and hard about what it is I want to be when I grow up.  Okay, so I know I'm grown up already.  The early morning wake times and mortgage payments and job and household responsibilities remind me of that daily, however, I still don't know what I want to BE when I grow up.

I asked Nate the other day, since he (even at only 4!) seems to have it all figured out and he told me I would be a police officer.

Um, no.

I asked him if he could actually picture Mommy as a police officer, fighting crime and bringing bad guys to justice, and he said yes.

Which is proof that he has no idea what I should be when I grow up, either.

I wish I could pick a card (like in the game of Life) and know what I was destined to be.  It seems like all the things I wish I could do/be/achieve are long shots.  I have no idea where to even start.  I'm learning that I'm not much of a problem solver.  I like other people to fix things for me.  Tell me what to do.  Even after years of my father encouraging me to "look it up" instead of doing it for me, I still managed to develop a bad habit of sitting on my laurels until someone else takes care of things or it takes care of itself.  I'm a big fan of the "ignore it and it will go away" theory of change.  On one hand I believe this has made me a very malleable and easy going person.  I tend to be flexible and adaptable, but I also spend a lot of time spinning my wheels and never really getting anywhere.

Thus my current crisis.  If you asked me what I wanted to be, I'd say "an author" or "a photographer".  I'd spout off some grand plan to start my Keurig cartridge recycling business or find someone who can manufacture and distribute my "Feet Sheets", share any number of my children's book ideas, or ramble on and on about my dreams of making a living on Etsy so I can stay home with my (not-so-very babyish anymore) babies.  But where to start?!?  I have the passion, the desire, and the ideas...I just lack the most important things:  Know how, motivation, time, and skill.

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