Friday, April 24, 2009

Oh yeah...Me!

I realized shortly after "publishing" my last post that the idea behind "Hi, My Name Is..." was to introduce myself and it turns out, instead, that I rambled on and on about my boys - which is never a bad thing (to me!). What I think that really means is that I am defined by those that I love the boys.

With that said, however, I realize that I am a person outside of them, as well. And that person is who I shall try to talk briefly about in this post.

Who is Shana? That's a good question, really. One that I've been trying to figure out for 32 years. (And one that could get entirely too complicated if I allowed it to, so I'll (try to) keep it simple.)

Obviously first and foremost I am a MOTHER. Above and beyond all the other roles I "play" in life and the titles I have been given, "Mother/Momma/Mommy/Mom" is my favorite. It is also, by far, the most difficult role I have to fill.

Being a Mom is my number one passion. I have dreamt about being a mother my whole life, hoped and longed for it, and take massive pride in the blessings I've been given and the "job" that's been entrusted to me. Being a Mom is definitely a roller coaster ride. With high, steep inclines, unexpected sharp drops and a loop-t-loop thrown in from time to time to keep things interesting. However, being a Mom has proven to be an internal energy source for me. Just when I don't think I can go on, one of my children smiles at me or asks, "Where'd the monster go?", and a second wind comes puffing by. For someone who has struggled with self esteem and inadequacy issues for as long as I can remember, there is a lot of pride and self-worth that comes with raising well behaved, polite, empathic children. (That's my goal, anyway - it's a little early to make the call on most of those!) Being a Mom is also the biggest challenge I've ever been charged with. To be honest, I'm not always sure I'm any good at it - who is sure of that, really? But I'm doing the best I can with the skills the good Lord gave me and for those other areas where I'm lacking, I hope against hope that it either doesn't matter in the bigger picture, or at the very least that my shortcomings don't hurt my boys too much in the long run.

Outside of my role as a Mom of two, I am a SISTER and a DAUGHTER. I have an amazing family with two loving parents who are as much a testament to true love, dedication, compromise, and commitment as any two people can be. I have a "little" big brother (he's bigger than me, but just "little" compared to most guys) and a "big" little sister (she's taller than me but younger) who are two of my best friends. When it comes to them, I waffle between laughing, scheming, venting, and thoroughly enjoying the friendship and history we share....and wanting to strangle them or smack them for being frustrating, or dense, or just plain aggravating. I wouldn't trade them for the world though. We've been partners in crime, best friends, and worst enemies (sometimes all in the span of 24 hours) but at the end of the day, they're family and they're are always there, unconditionally.

I am a WIFE and while I know that sometimes takes an unfortunate back seat to being a Mom, I try to remember the importance of focusing on that role as often as possible. Keeping the foundation of my family strong is very important to me. Without that foundation, everything would crumble. I try to remember to show my gratitude, appreciation, compassion, understanding, patience, compromise, sacrifice, and most of all love. And I hope never to take my husband for granted.

For 35 hours a week I play EMPLOYEE and while it's admittedly not my favorite place to be, it's undeniably important to my checkbook, my lifestyle, and my sanity. I enjoy the majority of what I do and realize that the rest comes with the territory of inevitable personality differences, administrative nuances, and plan old personal inadequacies. Obviously I don't like the parts of my job I either don't know very well or feel I'm not very good at. I'd be lying if I said it was 100% fabulous! At least it's a job I can feel good at contributing to. My work helps people somewhere, somehow.

And of course, I am a FRIEND. I have many friends. I've been very blessed in the friend arena. My friends are from all over, varied in background and interests, gathered and tendered from various schools, jobs, and places along the way. Some of them I've known forever. Some I've met only recently. Some I see rarely and others I am lucky enough to be able to see more often. I have friends I can shop with, friends I can laugh with, friends I can be silly with, friends I cry with, friends I openly complain to without judgement and friends who remind me to tweak my perspective or adjust my attitude when it's needed. All of them are absolutely wonderful and each one has a unique role in my life and a special place in my heart.

As you can see, my life is whole. I have been lucky enough to travel through life with magnificent company. I am never alone, nor am I ever lonely. I am truly blessed with a myriad of wonderful people surrounding me and supporting me. Each person brings something a little different to the table. I guess you could say my life is like a pot luck dinner. Everyone is invited and each person has their personal specialty to offer. So bring a dish to pass and prepare to pull up a chair!


Pam said...

Here I am at 6:20am reading my BFF's blog sobbing...why am I sobbing?? So many reasons - the biggest is, though, that I am so proud of you. So proud of your willingness to talk about YOU...the GOOD STUFF! You don't do that enough and I am relieved to see that you're willing to make you a big part of your blog...not just your boys (who could be a blog each one, in his own right!). I hope that, as you progress, you'll venture beyond talking about your roles and what you are to other people (there's a friend giving a bit of perspective for ya!) and talk about your passions and dreams and YOU YOU even more...the world will think it's pretty amazing stuff!! I know I do! Thanks for making me sob -- in a great way -- today!! I sure do love you!

Tifkota said...

You sure do have a way with words, my friend. And I love the potluck metaphor! But like in true fashion- you mentioned your role of "Friend" but talked about your friends instead of yourself. How do you see yourself as our friend? Do you realize what YOU bring to our tables?!?! My life would be so incomplete without you. You are my girlfriend who can talk pop culture and girly stuff. You are my fellow Mommy who is helping me raise my little girl, as her second- mom, and sharing in Mommyland adventures. You are my fellow daughter and sister who can analyze family dynamics like noone else I know. You, too, are the wife of an unpolished gem (grump), who can empathize without judgment. You are a working mom who always understands my battle of the balance. You fill a lot of roles in my life, my friend, but my favorite is the role of Shana. Just you. You are one of the most special people I have ever met. I am so glad I get to share my life with you. It is truly an honor to know you, and to get to spend time with you. You are kind, insightful, intelligent, entertaining, open, I really could go on and on. I intend on spending the rest of our lives making sure you know just how awesome you are. And I totally echo Pam (LOVE her too!)- let's hear more about you and your dark chocolate. This is a good place to get it out. I want to learn even more about you! LOVE you always! xoxo